Handicap Friendly

I forget which day of the week it was, but Dean and I were behind the counter. It was a sunny day and the store wasn't too busy. A man on crutches entered the store and was browsing the aisles, we didn't really pay him much heed. Finally after a while he had collected three or four movies and he had them under his arm and was making his way to the counter, towards me actually. He stopped and took the tapes from under his arm and placed them on the counter...and that's when it happened.

His crutches kind of leaned back and he started to lose his balance. His whole body now was falling away from the counter. As he desperately and futilely tried to grab the counter to stabilize himself he left out a desperate sound.

"Woah, Woah, Woah!!" He bellowed and he swung his arms wildly in circles in a last ditch effort to get his balance.

He went crashing to the ground and landed with a loud thud, his crutches crashing to either side of him. It was like watching a tree falling in the forest. He just disappeared behind the counter like a lumberjack had chopped him down. All this seemed to happen in slow motion yet I was frozen, unable to help him in any way.

His wife had been walking into the store at that moment and freaked out.

"OH MY GOD! RICHARD!!" She screamed as she rushed through the doors to help him. Dean, being slightly more caring than I, attempted to hold in his laughter as he went to assist the poor guy.

"Are you ok sir?"

"Don't help me, I'm fine, don't help me"

The man was obviously embarrassed and was trying to get himself up by leaning on the soda cooler. It really was a pathetic sight. All I could manage to do was duck my head so he and his wife couldn't see me laughing.

Finally getting back to his feet, he managed to steady himself and I checked him out and he was on his way. The memory of what happened, his pathetic sounds, his flailing arms, the whole scene will forever be ingrained in my head though. I don't know what it says about me that I still find this one of the funniest Academy stories I've ever been apart of.

Greenwich Store Wiffle Ball

So it was a sunny Saturday afternoon and I was working in the greenwich store with RJ and Ed. The store wasnt very busy, so we decided to take out the vaunted wiffle ball bat and just mess around. So myself and RJ took a few turns hitting while Ed was pitching. All the while RJ and I were just half/check swinging if you will so as to just hit little grounders back to the pitcher. Ed steps up to the plate and does his best Barry Bonds impression and smacks a shot into the new release section and hits someone. All we heard was "what the hell???????" Im pretty sure me and RJ just pointed at Ed like the scene in dumb and dumber when Harry hits Seabass in the head with the salt shaker. Just another classic Ed story

Office romance

I won't name names on this one to protect the people involved but I think most of you can figure out who I'm talking about.

When I first started, I worked with (we'll call him Col. Mustard). At that time, Col Mustard was dating Ms. Scarlett. Scarlett was in the back on her break so it was just Mustard and I at the counter. It was a slow day so Mustard went into the back for a bit, but left the door slightly ajar.

A short while later while checking out a customer I glanced to the back of the store and through the open door I saw Scarlett doing something to Mustard that I'm pretty sure isn't legal in all 50 states. Not exactly sure what to do, I finished helping the customer and walked to the back of the store to shut the door. As I was closing it, Mustard's eyes met mine and he gave me "the nod". Neither Scarlett or Mustard missed a beat.

That's kind of when I got my first idea of what I was in for with this job.

Jerry Pia.

One of my favorite stories is as follows. Keith and I were 'working' at Newfield one glorious day. Stamford legend Jerry Pia walks in, wearing his motorcycle gear and holding my side view mirror. He goes, "Uh, who's Sentra is out there, someone in here? I hit it with my motorcycle. By accident." My car was the only one within a 5 space radius. He left it on the counter with his phone number and said he'd talk to my mother, since Jerry Pia knows everyone. Keith was all, "Say bro!" about it for about an hour afterwards.

The Master-Bater

It was a sunny Saturday morning. I was working with Mike Pens and Dean or Mikey I can't remember which. It was a little slow so I was doing Comedy and noticed some of the racks that ran parallel to the adult section were moving. Upon closer inspection I noticed a dude in the Adult section standing facing the wall and kind of pressed against that counter we used to have in there. He had a couple of the adult titles laid out on the counter and was definitely the cause of the racks shaking. I went back up to tell Mike who of course didnt believe me. By the time I convinced Mike to go and get this guy out of here, he was already on his way out of the store, I guess he had "finished". Needless to say I didn't finish Comedy and refused to go anywhere near the adult section.

(and yes Mel, I know I spelled masturbator wrong)

Look familiar??

I guess I should start it off

Hey guys (and gals),

Mikey, Seth and I were talking about old times at Academy and figured we'd start this blog so everyone can share their stories in a forum better than just emails. We figured it would be good to reminis since they officially gutted the Greenwich Store and the last official Academy Video is gone.

Enjoy, share, follow the blog and invite others!

RJ